they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
