so that wasnt chicken after all
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
