People in love make me want to vomit
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
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walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
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I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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