I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
