I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
