You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
