Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
