last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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