Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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