I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
