Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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