So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
