You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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