So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
