Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
