he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
