I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
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Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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