I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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