My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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