so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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