Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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