the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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