When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
