My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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