Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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