After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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