OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
