Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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