i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize