I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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