Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
