Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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