walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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