Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
