His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
