Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
