when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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