she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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