i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can't trust your balls anymore.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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