they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
