I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
