Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I touched a dick in church today
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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