You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
