I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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