Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
