Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
