I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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