you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
