Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
