I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
be right there i have to get my cape
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
