Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
