Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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