I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I've blown a few things in my day
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
