I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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