so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize