I skipped work to stalk him.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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