The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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