Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have fence marks all over my body
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
