This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
