we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
