dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's official drugs can't kill me
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
