So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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